And not even care if anyone reads this or if anyone even cares. But anyway, here goes.
I’m not sure just how much I can take anymore. But I’m hanging on because the lesser option just isn’t me. Something’s gotta be made right with me, but the biggest thing that I don’t understand, is why I repeatedly go out on a limb for people and get stabbed in the back, and then never learn my lesson. The next day I’m right back at it.
And not only that, but a little more than a month ago, the man that I love more than anything in this life was telling me that he loved me and that he wanted me to get married and run away with him and start an entirely new life. But now that I’m back, he won’t even look at me. What gives? Why am I so unneeded here?
I’ve reconnected with some old friends since I’ve come back, and made a few new ones. And I’m satisfied with this, because I finally have that close knit group of friends that I can call my family. I finally have a ledge to stand on in my life, and I’ve never felt better. There are so many things dragging me down but at the same time, I’ve finally found the willpower to stand up and make something of my life. Slowly, slowly I’m going to make a difference in my life. And if people walk away from me even though I’ve been there for them through everything, then so be it. It was their loss. A little something about me? I’m a brutally honest person, and sometimes I don’t think things through and I offend people because I don’t watch what I say. But at least I’m being honest. I don’t cheat, I don’t lie, I don’t steal. That’s not who I am. If you want me to keep a secret, I’ll take it to my grave because it’s not mine to share. But if you fuck me over, I’ll be your worst enemy. If you cross a line with me, it’s okay, I’ll forgive you, but crossing multiple lines with me repeatedly, that’s where it ends. I’m not going to go into detail, but I was hurt. I was hurt by the dishonesty, and choosing people you knew for only a short time over me, then all of a sudden our normal way of talking to each other becomes offensive to you. I haven’t changed. It wasn’t me.
People keep asking me if I think about you, and honestly, yes. I think about the good memories. The honest stuff. Singing in our cars together, our crazy ass road trips, I miss it. But what I don’t miss is everything you became. People ask me if I’ll forgive you, and yes but I won’t forget. I won’t get close to you like I was again, you hurt me. You think I hurt you, but you hurt me way before I touched you. You always had to be better, you always had to have the spotlight, and I didn’t care about the spotlight, I just wanted to be noticed. Everyone saw you first even if it was something that belonged to me, and I was a shadow. It hurt. Our friendship turned into a competition and I don’t even in ow what for, because we should’ve been equal. But that’s just what you do, you always have to be better. I just wanted to be happy, but being happy wasn’t good enough for you. You always had to find something better. Well I hope your new life without me is finally better, although you’ll never find anyone who cared as much as I did. As much as I still do, but even still I won’t admit it again. I won’t go there again. I’ll listen to you but I won’t have anything to say to you. But you broke this, not me.
i’m watching frozen hans is such a cutie aw
wrong wrong wrong i was so wrong never have i been more wrong